Posts Tagged ‘National Speakes Association’

You May as Well Face it, You’re Addicted to Approval!

May 28, 2015

Do you remember the Robert Palmer song “Addicted to Love” which was popular in the 80s? If you don’t, then you are probably younger than most of my shoes. But I think of those words when I see people trying so desperately to please everyone in their lives. At home, they cultivate a hectic and unsustainable routine of cleaning up after others, volunteering for every extracurricular event, being the caregiver to anyone who needs help; hosting family events and making sure everyone is happy.  Every night, they fall into bed still wearing their Super Hero capes! At work, they are constantly seeking approval and sometimes they don’t offer their opinions because they don’t value their own ideas.

In order to avoid conflict, a person might continually acquiesce to the desires of other people, for fear of rocking the boat.  This person probably doesn’t understand that if you don’t rock the boat when it’s necessary, your boat may hit an iceberg and sink! If someone will only be in your life if you do what they tell you, that is not a relationship worth continuing!

The “People Pleaser” always wants to make sure that he or she never gives anyone a reason to be angry or to dislike him or her. People Pleasers will usually say that it is all done in the name of love, but that kind of love isn’t always healthy. If you have no boundaries, people will push you until you lose yourself.

When we are addicted to finding approval from other people, we’re on the wrong track! We try to please everyone else, even when it’s not in our own best interest. And that kind of validation is never enough! No one else can prove your self-worth; the only long-lasting and worthwhile approval is when you value yourself! If you base all of your decisions and feelings on how others are going to view you, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Everyone is not going to like you and that’s okay! Invest in yourself because YOUR opinion of you is important!

Remember these wise words: You may as well like yourself, because wherever you go…there you are!

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The Blame Game

August 28, 2012

Do you remember the old song, “The Name Game?” You know….a catchy little tune with rhyming words like Linda, Linda, Bo Binda, Banana Fanna Fo Finda, Fee Fie Mo Minda…Linda.  If you don’t remember that song, you are not as old as I, which is to say that you probably did not ride dinosaurs to school like I did. Anyway, it seems as if these days, a lot of us are playing the Blame Game, which is not as peppy and fun as the Name Game song and you can’t even dance to it.

When we play the Blame Game, we do not take ownership of our own thoughts, actions and reactions; instead, we blame other circumstances. We can act rudely, be snarky and make excuses for our negative behavior, all in the name of stress.  It’s easy to convince ourselves that we can’t feel any joy because we are feeling pressure from outside forces…our past, other people, tough situations, etc.  We say that we don’t have a choice because life is stressing us out. But we really have more control over our actions than we think. We can claim an attitude of altitude or choose to blame everything else for our rotten luck. Claim or blame….the choice is ours!

It’s easy to lay our behavior or our self-defeating thoughts off onto some outside stimuli. But consider this: If you squeeze an orange by applying lots of pressure to the outside of it…what comes out of that orange? Orange juice.  No amount of pressure is going to cause that orange to release apple juice, prune juice, milk, gasoline, or anything else. The only thing that can come out of that orange is orange juice because that’s what’s in there!  Nothing can come out that wasn’t in there in the first place!  The same holds true for your brain. If you consistently condition your mind with negative and self-defeating thoughts; you’ll probably find that when you are under pressure, negativity is what is going to come out! On the other hand, if you practice positive self-talk and choose to view things with hope and maybe even a little humor; when you feel squeezed, chances are that you will be able to handle things with a little more calmness, kindness and creativity. We will act according to what we have chosen to plant and nurture in our minds.

Relinquishing control of our attitudes and blaming other people or situations is a losing proposition.  When people feel out of control, they become angry and lash out in a frenzy of nastiness. Sadly, there seems to be a lot of that kind of stuff going on in the world!  And becoming mean-spirited can backfire!  For instance, I recently read a sign on which one group was labeling members of another group as “idots.” I think if you’re going to call someone an idiot, you should probably make sure you are spelling it correctly, so you do not appear to be an “idot” as well! See what negativity can do to you?