Posts Tagged ‘2013’

You May as Well Face it, You’re Addicted to Approval!

May 28, 2015

Do you remember the Robert Palmer song “Addicted to Love” which was popular in the 80s? If you don’t, then you are probably younger than most of my shoes. But I think of those words when I see people trying so desperately to please everyone in their lives. At home, they cultivate a hectic and unsustainable routine of cleaning up after others, volunteering for every extracurricular event, being the caregiver to anyone who needs help; hosting family events and making sure everyone is happy.  Every night, they fall into bed still wearing their Super Hero capes! At work, they are constantly seeking approval and sometimes they don’t offer their opinions because they don’t value their own ideas.

In order to avoid conflict, a person might continually acquiesce to the desires of other people, for fear of rocking the boat.  This person probably doesn’t understand that if you don’t rock the boat when it’s necessary, your boat may hit an iceberg and sink! If someone will only be in your life if you do what they tell you, that is not a relationship worth continuing!

The “People Pleaser” always wants to make sure that he or she never gives anyone a reason to be angry or to dislike him or her. People Pleasers will usually say that it is all done in the name of love, but that kind of love isn’t always healthy. If you have no boundaries, people will push you until you lose yourself.

When we are addicted to finding approval from other people, we’re on the wrong track! We try to please everyone else, even when it’s not in our own best interest. And that kind of validation is never enough! No one else can prove your self-worth; the only long-lasting and worthwhile approval is when you value yourself! If you base all of your decisions and feelings on how others are going to view you, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Everyone is not going to like you and that’s okay! Invest in yourself because YOUR opinion of you is important!

Remember these wise words: You may as well like yourself, because wherever you go…there you are!

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The Blank Fortune Cookie

January 4, 2013

Fortune cookies are fun. Most of us look forward to cracking them open and reading what the future holds for us.  I have had a few that I could stretch to be appropriate for what was going on in my life and some that were pretty doggone funny…for instance, I once got one which read, “The answer you seek is in another cookie.” Hmmm…the story of my life! Another favorite:  “I can’t tell your fortune…I’m just a dessert!” And the ever popular, “Thanks for letting me out of this cookie!” I still haven’t figured out the meaning of this one: “The rubber bands are all headed in the same direction.”

The year 2012 was not particularly great for me.  The roller coaster ride seemed to have more dips than highs; which is just the way that life goes sometimes. There were many blessings, but also many losses and unexpected twists and turns. So, when a friend and I went for Chinese food a few days ago, I laughingly suggested that the fortune in my cookie might offer me an idea of what 2013 has in store.

Well, the paper in my cookie was blank.  On both sides.  There were no suggestions for me, which could either be because someone was slacking off in the fortune cookie factory or because I have no future. However, I choose to entertain the other possibility….I can write my own fortune!

Although I had a good laugh about my “un-fortune,” it started me thinking about how easily I can fall into the trap of letting unpleasant situations and setbacks dictate how I define myself and prevent me from moving forward.  I reminded myself that I don’t have to wait for others to write the script for my life, and difficult times don’t have to dictate my future or my attitude.  The past doesn’t have to repeat itself in the future and every minute is a new beginning.  I can keep the things in my life that are serving me well, and move away from those things that are not.

Probably one of the best things that can happen to us is that we occasionally get a blank fortune because then we have a clean slate on which we can design and create.  Of course, nobody really puts any credibility into those fortunes; but when you get an empty one, it makes you think of the possibilities.

As you enter 2013, I hope you will march into it triumphantly, not with a spirit of timidity.  I also wish for you, an empty fortune cookie; and with that…the assurance of your ability to know what is best for you and how to find balance in your life.  After all, you certainly don’t want to be in the path of all those rubber bands heading in the same direction!  Just remember that if you don’t do anything to determine your own future, you will have to accept whatever future you get…and that is how the fortune cookie crumbles!